Ichigo in Espadaland
by Tintaglia In Flight
Summary: First Bleach fanfic, Alice in Wonderland setting with Ichigo as Alice and the arrancar as everyone else  no other shinigami
1. How It All Began

**This is my very first Bleach fanfic. (Ta daa)**

**I got this idea while I was supposed to be studying yet again... (lol I'm starting to believe studying stimulates my creative juices) I decided to make a Wonderland-type story and although I have seen a few Bleach Wonderland fanfics they were different to my idea as I wanted to follow the plot of Alice and Wonderland more thoroughly I'm hoping it won't be too similar to others. If this seems at all like someone else's handiwork I sincerely apologise it is not intentional!**

**I had some trouble with character setting as so many fit in various positions but I made my final decision eventually. Some characters like Ulqui will have a different personality than the manga/amine because that particular character will instead have the personality of their "Alice and Wonderland" role so I hope you can bear with this. Others like Starrk fit their role with their manga/anime personality so will remain more or less the same.**

**To give an outline of the characters as an intro:**

**Alice – Ichigo**

**White Rabbit – Ulquiorra **

**Flowers – Nelliel (Violet), Loly (Snap-dragon), Menoly (Lilac), ****Mila Rose**** (Rose), Sunsun (Lily), Apache (Tulip)**

**Caterpillar – Barragan**

**Chesire Cat – Grimmjow**

**Duchess – Harribel (went with Japanese version of spelling)**

**Baby – Yammy**

**Mad Hatter – Szayel**

**March Hare – Lillinette**

**Dormouse – Starrk**

**Red Queen – Nnoitra**

**Cards – Tesla**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

**And without further ado, onto the 1****st**** chapter/intro...**

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

It was late and Ichigo was tired. This week had been a long week, an excruciating long week. There had been a crisis (including being chased by Kenpachi) in Soul Society on Monday, a mass of hollows on the loose on Tuesday, a surprise math test (a disaster indeed) on Wednesday, chaos at Urahara's shop on Thursday and, of course, the arrancar had to launch a surprise attack today, Friday. Thankfully it was all over now and he could go collapse in bed. Hopefully there would be no drama this weekend so that he could recover. That wasn't asking too much was it?

Ichigo swung his front door open only to be greeted by his dad flying towards him at full speed. In no mood for his father's usual antics he planted his foot in his face without a moment's hesitation before heading upstairs to his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and near dived onto his bed. Too exhausted to bother changing his clothes he just stretched himself out lazily. _Ahhh peace at last_ he thought although unfortunately it did not last long for almost as soon as his eyes began to drift close there was a knocking on his door. Ichigo groaned hoping that if he ignored the presence on the other side of the door that they would leave him be. Once again this was not the case as along with further knocking came the voices of his two younger sisters.

"Ichi-nii, Ichi-nii are you awake?"

Sighing reluctantly he got up and made his way to the door to find out what they wanted.

"What is it Yuzu, Karin?" He asked peering at them outside his door

Yuzu held up a book for his inspection before inquiring, "We want you to read to us before we go to sleep Ichi-nii"

He stared at the cover of the book for a while before gazing back at the hopeful glances of his siblings. Even though he was near asleep on his feet he just couldn't turn them down. With all that had gone on this week he hadn't spent much time with them and felt like now was probably a good time to make up for it.

"Alright, let's go to your room"

He followed behind the ecstatic girls finding it slightly odd that Karin too was behaving in this manner, as she was more the sporty type than the book type, and even then would probably rather read to herself than have someone read to her. Eventually he reasoned that she was most likely doing it due to the fact that he was very scarce this week and left it at that, his tired mind no longer willing to spend time dwelling on it. He sat himself down on a chair near their beds and waited for them to scramble under the covers before he began. The book was titled Alice and Wonderland.

"You can start reading now Ichi-nii" Yuzu proclaimed once she was settled with Karin nodding her head in ascent from her location.

Ichigo turned to the first page and began reading:

"**Alice in Wonderland, how do you get to Wonderland?  
>Over the hill or underland, or just behind the tree?<br>When clouds go rolling by, they roll away and leave the sky.  
>Where is the land beyond the eye, the people cannot see, where can it be?<br>Where do stars go, where is the crescent moon?  
>They must be somewhere in the sunny afternoon.<br>Alice in Wonderland, where is the path to Wonderland?  
>Over the hill or here or there, I wonder where..."<strong>

After a couple of minutes of reading, Ichigo noticed that both of them had drifted off to sleep. _Wow, that was fast _he thought to himself before carefully placing the book on a nearby shelf and quietly excited the room. He hurriedly made his way back to his own room and crawled under the covers. It wasn't long before he too was lost in the realm of slumber and then he began to dream...


	2. Enter The White Rabbit

Hmmm... wonder if I should include Zommari and Aaroniero as Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum?

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

ENTER THE WHITE RABBIT

Ichigo opened his eyes to a patch of green grass. Wait... grass! He sat up abruptly, swivelling his head around in shock. He was no longer in his bedroom but splayed out on his front lawn. How on earth had that happened without his knowledge? He had gone to bed after all and he was not one of those individuals inclined to sleep walk.

As he became more aware of his surroundings he noticed that it was still night, the garden illuminated by the glowing moon high in the sky. It was a full moon, clearly visible along with countless stars shimmering alongside it. The nearby bushes suddenly rustled causing Ichigo to startle. What was that? He remained motionless waiting for further noises in case it was something else other than a stray animal lurking about. There was more rustling within the bushes. Ichigo inched closer to the suspicious bush when suddenly a pair of pure white rabbit ears popped out.

_Huh, since when did we have a rabbit in our garden _thought Ichigo as he watched the rabbit ears twitching in the bushes. The white ears started moving out of the foliage and Ichigo could only gape in amazement when the "rabbit" had finally emerged.

"U-U-Ulquiorra..." Ichigo stammered in shock.

The rabbit Ulquiorra regarded him in silence for a while before dusting himself off and removing various leaves that were stuck to his waistcoat, his rabbit ears twitching occasionally. If Ichigo was stunned by the ears and waistcoat he was near horrified when he spotted a round fluffy tail attached to Ulquiorra just above his rear.

"How do you know my name?" Ulquiorra suddenly asked piercing him with his intense emerald orbs.

"What do you..." Ichigo started before being cut off by Ulquiorra who was staring at a pocket watch with a very near panic expression.

"**Oh ****my fur and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late I'm late!"**

"Late for what?" Ichigo could not stop himself from asking.

"**I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!"**

Ichigo felt very confused about the whole situation but before he could ask the pale rabbit-looking Espada anything more he had already opened a garganta and was busy disappearing though it. Not stopping to think things through Ichigo jumped through the portal just before it vanished leaving an empty garden behind.

X X X X X

The next thing Ichigo knew was that he was falling down despite him leaping through the garganta horizontally. _I guess this is what is meant by look before you leap _he mused as he plummeted deeper. On the way down he felt something brush his arm and turned to see books floating next to him and on his other side he spotted a grand piano and a stool. He started to wonder if he was dreaming as never before had such strange things happened when travelling through a garganta. In the middle of these thoughts he hit the ground with a thump! Feeling dizzy he sat up slowly, carefully rubbing his head. A slight noise caused him to raise his head only to see Ulquiorra running upside down on the ceiling. _How in the world is that possible_ he thought as he surveyed the surroundings to see if there was a way he could reach the escaping Espada. It was around this time that he realized that it was not Ulquiorra on the ceiling but him! Soon after this realization he dropped to the floor this time landing on his feet just in time to spy the "rabbit" disappear down a corridor muttering about being late.

He quickly ran down the corridor which led to a round hall with many doors however there was no one else in sight.

"Oi Ulquiorra" Ichigo yelled, "Where are you?"

A small squeak was heard and Ichigo was surprised yet again, to see a mini-arrancar hurry though a mini-door before slamming it behind him. He was too big to get through that particular door so he tried the others which all happened to be locked. Sighing in exasperation he gave up and made his way to a table he had seen in the middle of the room. His throat was starting to feel a bit dry so he was relieved to see a bottle of water on the table that said 'Drink Me!' He took a couple of gulps only stopping when he felt a strange tremor run through him. He'd shrunk. The table above his head loomed large now that he was so small but at least he could now follow Ulquiorra through the little door.

X X X X X

Ichigo could not help but feel irritated to not only find that the little door was locked but also in discovering that a smallish key lay on the table. Now what? He looked around the room again and found a tiny box lying beneath the table which was labelled 'Eat Me!' At first he was hesitant but eventually concluded that after all that had already happened it couldn't be much worse. Taking one of the biscuits from the box he nibbled on it and found himself back to his normal size.

After successfully obtaining the little key and reshrinking himself, he made his way to the door. The door had opened easily enough once he had unlocked it, now all he had to do was track down Ulquiorra. Ichigo saw a beautifully exotic garden beyond the door with chirping birds, flowery smells and golden sunlight streaming down upon it all. This was definitely not Hueco Mundo! He then entered the strange garden closing the door behind him.


	3. In The Garden Of Barragan

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

IN THE GARDEN OF BARRAGAN

Ichigo stepped out into the beautiful garden. The sun's golden light warmed his skin while a gentle breeze teased his orange locks. He gazed around in amazement at the greenery before him. He saw towering trees, exotic looking plants but did not see Ulquiorra anywhere nearby.

He would probably have to venture deeper in if he were to have any luck finding the arrancar the only problem was he did not know which direction he had wondered off to and there was no clear pathway either.

He stopped to sit on a fallen stump to ponder his next course of action when he spotted what appeared to be a winged insect except its wings looked an awful lot like halved bread slices. The strange insect distracted him from his quest of finding Ulquiorra as he observed it more intently. It wasn't long before more of them appeared, one even deciding to sit on his shoulder.

"Are those supposed to be butterflies?" he wondered aloud to no one in particular.

"You mean bread-and-butterflies" an unfamiliar voice told him

"Oh so that's what they... AAAAAAH!" Ichigo leapt up in fright and whirled to face two strangers in identical clothing. On closer inspection they resembled the 7th and 9th Espada. Ichigo could only stare in shock. What was going on? Why were Espada here?

"**If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!**" said the one.

"**Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us!**" commented the other.

"**That's logic! **" they both chanted.

"Ah ummm.." Ichigo murmured, momentarily at a loss of what to say or even think about the situation.

"Let's introduce ourselves, I'm Tweedle-Zommari Dee" chirped Zommari

"And I'm Tweedle- Aaroniero Dum" added Aaroniero.

"I see but I've really got to go now" said Ichigo

"**You can't go yet!**" cried Zommari

"**No, the visit has just started!**" whimpered Aaroniero.

"I'm really sorry but I'm following a white rabbit so..."

"**Why?**" they both chorused

"**Well, I'm curious to know where he's going**"

"**Ohhhh, he's curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk!**" muttered Aaroniero.

"**The oysters were curious too, weren't they?**" asked Zommari

And with that both of them burst out into song

"_**The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might, he did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright. And this was odd, because it was the middle of the night. The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand. The beach was white from side to side but much too full of sand. 'Mister Walrus', said the Carpenter: 'My brain begins to perk. We'll sweep this clear in half a year, if you don't mind the work**__..."_

Ichigo didn't particularly feel like hearing the fate of the curious oysters and so slipped away without the two noticing.

He hadn't gone very far when he once again laid eyes upon two furry rabbit ears attached to a pale skinned arrancar. Ichigo couldn't help grinning at his good luck and slowly crept up to the unsuspecting Espada.

"Oi Ulquiorra" he started when suddenly Ulquiorra turned to face him, ears twitching in agitation.

"**Don't just stand there, do something!... Uh... no no! Go go! Go get my gloves! I'm late!**" he ranted at Ichigo his ear twitching increasing in intensity.

"Huh"

"**My gloves! At once, do you hear!**" said Ulquiorra rabbit before vanishing off again.

After a moment of hesitation Ichigo quickly chased after him. There was no way he would let him escape this time!

Despite his determination it wasn't long before he had lost him yet again. Fuming inwardly at the hard to catch "rabbit", he didn't immediately notice the bug flying around his face. When he did he was surprised that it was even stranger than the previous one.

"Let me guess, it's a rocking horse fly" he remarked.

"**Naturally**" said a female voice

Ichigo jumped_. Honestly can people just stop scaring me like that_ he thought as he attempted to locate the speaker. The only thing he saw was a collection of large flowers surrounding him. Oddly enough the flowers bared a remarkable resemblance to some of the arrancar, one even looked like Nel

"Hmm... I wonder... **oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk**."

"**But of course we can talk, my dear.** " said Mila Rose

"**If there's anyone worth talking to**." Commented Menoly Lilac

"**Or about! Hahahaha!**" chuckled Loly Snap-dragon darkly

"**And we sing too!**" stated Nelliel Violet proudly

"You do?" Ichigo asked looking very sceptical

"**Oh, yes. Would you like to hear 'Tell it to the tulips'?**" Inquired Apache Tulip

"**No, let's sing about us!" **called Menoly Lilac

"**I know one about the shy little violets...** " mentioned Nelliel Violet shyly

"**Oh, no, not that old thing!**" sneered Loly Snap-dragon.

"**Let's do 'Lovely lily at the valley'!**" suggested Sunsun Lily

"**Oh, **he** wouldn't like that!**" said Menoly Lilac

"**Girls, girls! We shall sing: 'Golden afternoon'. That's about all of us! Sound your A, Lily!**" prompted Mila Rose

With that they burst into song and Ichigo had no choice but to listen. He was surprised at how well they sang and complimented them all when they had finished.

"**Thank you, my dear.** " Mila Rose replied to the praise

"**What kind of garden do you come from?** " asked Nelliel Violet, her voice filled with curiousity

"**Well I don't come from any garden...** " replied Ichigo

"**Oh, do you suppose **he's** a wild flower?** " wondered Sunsun Lily

"**Oh no, I'm not a wild flower...**" denied Ichigo

Now Mila Rose was curious too, "**Just what specie, or shall we say, genus, are you, my dear? **"

Remembering what he had learnt in biology Ichigo answered "**Well, I suppose you call me a genus, humanus, eh... **Kurosaki Ichigo**!**"

"**Ever seen an **Ichigo** with a blossom like that?**" murmured Apache Tulip

"**Come to think of it, did you ever see an **Ichigo**?**" asked Menoly Lilac

"**Yes, and did you notice **his** petals? What a peculiar colour****!**" pointed out Sunsun Lily

"**And no fragrance!**" remarked Loly Snap-dragon

Apache Tulip started laughing, "**Hahaha! Just look at those stems!**"

"**Rather scrawny, I'd say.** " smirked Loly Snap-dragon

"**I think **he**'**s** pretty!** " complimented Nelliel Violet

"**Quiet**, Violet!" Mila Rose demanded

Ichigo gave a snort, "**But I'm not a flower!**"

"**Aha! Just as I suspected! **He's** nothing but a common mobile vulgaris!**" snarled Loly Snap-dragon

All the flowers immediately gasped and looked absolutely horrified. Ichigo gazed around in confusion.

"**A common what?**" he asked hesitantly

Loly Snap-dragon smirked, "**To put it bluntly: a weed!**"

Ichigo gaped in astonishment, "**I'm not a weed!**"

"**Well, you wouldn't expect **him** to admit it**. " declared Apache Tulip

"**Can you imagine!**" said Menoly Lilac

"**Don't let **him** stay here and go to seed!** " proclaimed Sunsun Lily

Most of the flowers began shooing Ichigo away with their leaves some whispering harsh insults under their breath

Mila Rose made an attempt to make peace, "**Please, girls... **"

"**We don't want weeds in our bed!**" claimed Apache Tulip

Ichigo had had enough at this point and stalked out of the flower garden shouting over his shoulder "You're lucky I'm not my normal size else I would slice you all off at the stems with Zangetsu!"

Still stalking through the garden he nearly bumped into a mushroom that was as tall as he was. He backed up slightly to get a better view which was when he spotted Barragan sitting regally on the top smoking a pipe. He wasn't sure whether he more surprised at seeing yet another Espada in this strange place or that this Espada looked like a blue caterpillar.

"**Who are you?**" demanded Barragan suddenly

"Can't you see who I am?" asked Ichigo wondering why he did not recognise him

"**I do not see. Explain yourself.** "Barragan demanded again

"I shouldn't have to explain" stated Ichigo, "You should know who I am!"

"**I do not know**" said Barragan

Ichigo sighed in exasperation, "Well do you at least know where Ulquiorra the white rabbit is?"

Barragan quirked an eyebrow at him, "**Why?**"

"Never mind" said Ichigo as he turned to walk away

"**You there! **Boy**! Wait! Come back! I have something important to say!** " declared Barragan

"What do you what now?" asked Ichigo hoping the caterpillar like arrancar would tell him what he wanted to know.

"**Keep your temper!**" demanded Barragan

Ichigo gaped, "**Is that all?**"

"**No, what is your problem?**"

Ichigo sighed, "I wish I could go back to my normal size"

"I guess I could help" complied Barragan and slowly started transforming into a blue butterfly "**One side will make you grow taller... **"

"**One side of what?**" asked Ichigo in confusion

"**...and the other side will make you grow shorter.**" He continued as if he didn't hear Ichigo's question finishing off his transformation and started flying away"

"**The other side of what?** " Ichigo tried again

"**The mushroom, of course!** " the Barragan butterfly yelled in anger and fluttered out of sight before Ichigo could comment further.

Ichigo approached the mushroom and tore a piece from each side and experimented until he finally achieved his proper height.

Deciding it may come in handy he put the remaining pieces of mushroom in his pockets. The one piece he put in his left pocket and the other in the right, so as to avoid confusion.

He had a much better view of the garden now that he was larger and noticed a house in the distance, that appeared to be in front of a large forest, that he did not see at his smaller height. After thinking it over, he decided to go to the house. Perhaps someone there could help him find Ulquiorra.

Ichigo didn't bother wondering why he was so determined to find Ulquiorra or stop to consider the possibility that he might find more arrancar in the house. He just made his way forward to his next destination... the house in the distance.


	4. The Fair Lady Harribel

**I know this took forever and a month of Sundays (literally) but I blame the place of mental torture (my university) and the final exams (if I pass I'll be graduating) so it required lots of effort. Anyhow here it be...**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

THE FAIR LADY HARRIBEL

The house ended up being further away then Ichigo thought and since the sun was in full shine he was quite thirsty when he finally reached the front door. He took a moment to pause in the shadow of the house and to give it closer inspection. It appeared rather quaint and in good condition for a house seemingly in the middle of nowhere and for the first time Ichigo wondered about the inhabitants and whether they would be able to help him.

Deciding it didn't matter who the occupants were as long as they could offer some kind of help, Ichigo lifted his hand and gave a firm knock. Nothing happened. He knew there was definitely someone inside as he had heard faint noises and yelling so he tried a second time only a little louder. Still nothing. Now he was just plain irritated as it was just plain rude to ignore a visitor. He tried one last time as well as calling out before he simply opened the door. Admittedly he was slightly shocked that the door wasn't locked but did not dwell on the thought for long.

Ichigo entered the house cautiously, examining the contents in the process. It appeared he was in some sort of lounge with comfy looking couches and several tea corner tables with odds and ends stacked on top of them. He didn't bother staying in the room for long as he heard voices and a crying baby further ahead.

He followed the voices and eventually came upon a kitchen. Inside the kitchen were two woman and a howling baby and to his astonishment all three of them were arrancar one woman being Harribel, the baby was Yammy and the third woman he didn't recognise. _I probably shouldn't be so surprised_ he thought wryly as he waited for them to notice him.

Harribel seemed to have her hands full trying to calm baby Yammy while simultaneously giving orders to the other female arrancar who seemed to be occupied with a big cauldron of soup.

"Cirucci, how many times have I told you not to throw in so much pepper?" demanded Harribel

"'Bout as many times as I told you that a good soup needs lots of pepper!" Cirucci retorted while haphazardly tossing in more pepper and swirling the bubbling brew.

Harribel shook her head before she commented "Yes, and you always ruin it"

"I DO NOT!" the infuriated cook yelled causing the baby Yammy to howl louder than before.

Ichigo clenched his teeth at the ruckus and was sorely tempted to block his ears. He did duck however when Cirucci started hurtling kitchen utensils and apparatus in all directions, somehow still managing to add pepper to the soup.

Harribel was obviously getting irritated at the situation of a screaming baby and an irrational cook so she just about snapped her next words, "Cirucci did you even remember to call the baby sitter?"

"YES I DID" Cirucci shouted back, being pretty agitated herself.

"THERE'S NO NEED TO SHOUT! WHERE IS SHE THEN?" demanded Harribel beginning to raise her voice too.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW AND YOU'RE YELLING TOO!" screamed Cirucci back.

Ichigo decided now would be a good time to intervene before things got any louder or more out of hand and quickly interjected "I can help"

Almost immediately the noise stopped except for the wailing baby. Harribel narrowed her eyes as she stared intensely at Ichigo. She perused his person for a minute or so before turning back to the arrancar cook.

"Why is the baby sitter a male Cirucci" queried Harribel with a questioning look on her face

"I never asked for him that's for sure" Cirucci sneered

Sensing another argument on the rise Ichigo interceded again.

"No, I'm no baby sitter, I'm here to ask for directions but I have experience with little children and babies since I have two younger sisters so I can help"

Harribel went back to regarding him, "Hmmm... is that so"

She made quick steps across the floor and handed the whiny baby over to Ichigo. She then watched in wonder as Ichigo gently rocked Yammy giving him a knuckle to nibble on. She smiled gently before speaking again.

"Sorry about earlier, my household always seems in some state of chaos. I am the Grand Duchess Harribel and that is the cook Cirucci" she said

"It's a pleasure to meet you Duchess and err.. Cirucci" Ichigo replied

Cirucci merely muttered in the background before Ichigo spoke again.

"I was actually wondering Duchess if you could tell me where I could find Ulquirorra... I mean the white rabbit" asked Ichigo

Duchess Harribel looked contemplative, muttering about a white rabbit under her breath, suddenly she froze before exclaiming "The White Rabbit! How could I forget I'm supposed to go see her Majesty!"

She started towards the kitchen door before suddenly stopping and turning back to Ichigo. "I know you're not the baby sitter but I'm late to see the queen so you will have to do" She then hurried out the door leaving a stunned Ichigo in her wake.

It didn't take Ichigo long to shake himself out of his stupor and follow her out the kitchen door yelling "WAIT!" When he got outside he found no trace of her as she had simply vanished, leaving him with a wiggling baby Yammy in his arms.

He was surprised yet again, hearing chuckling coming from behind him and a deep male voice murmured "Ya do know ya not holding a baby right?"

He was about to whirl around to retort when he happened to glance down and see not baby Yammy but a piglet. He was so shocked that he dropped the piglet and it quickly scurried into the forest squealing and grunting.

"Told ya so" the smug voice stated before starting to sing a nonsensical song,

" **'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogoves, and the momeraths outgrabe**."

Ichigo finally turned to see who had spoken and was shocked at who he saw...


	5. Grimmkitty's Grin

**Some of the drawn out singing may seem unnecessary but I thought it added to the craziness, the insanity of the characters is lost otherwise. =^.^=**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

GRIMM-KITTY'S GRIN AND A PARTY FOR MAD PEOPLE

Ichigo couldn't help staring at the scene before him. He was beyond shocked as right there in front of him grinning without a care in the world was none other than Grimmjow, blue eyes twinkling mischievously, while his long armoured tail flickered lazily behind him. His teal ears would twitch occasionally when a slight breeze ruffled the fur covering them.

Grimmjow's grin turned into a smirk as he asked, "Cat got ya tongue boy?"

Ichigo attempted to answer back but it came out as more of a stutter, "G-G-G-Grimmjow?"

He was feeling very nervous considering Grimmjow loved to fight and here he was unarmed. _Great, where's Zangetsu when you need him _thought Ichigo desperately as he watched the grinning cat before him for any sudden movements.

Although he continued grinning, Grimmjow's face took on a confused expression.

"Huh, what on earth ya talking about boy?" the cat inquired

Now it was Ichigo's turn to look confused.

The cat didn't wait for Ichigo to reply but merely carried on singing as he slowly started to disappear one body part at a time.

"Hey wait! Don't go" Ichigo begged. He had decided he might as well try his luck with the cat since he didn't seem as bloodthirsty as he normally did.

"**Very well. Third chorus...**" the cat said

"**No, no... thank you, but... but I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go.**" interjected Ichigo before the cat could launch into another round of the nonsensical song

"**Well, that depends on where you want to get to**" stated Grimmjow cat grinning broadly

"Well I..." Ichigo paused midsentence since he hadn't really given his next destination much thought. Did he wish to return home or to continue pursuing the white rabbit Ulquiorra?

He didn't get time to think much as the cat speaking jarred him out of his thoughts.

"_**Ah-hmm... and the momeraths outgrabe... **_**Oh, by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way."** Grimmjow cat said calmly as he pointed in a random direction

Ichigo looked surprised as he asked "**Who did?**"

"**The white rabbit" **replied Grimmjow casually

Ichigo became excited at hearing that the cat knew where the rabbit went. _At last someone who can help me_ he thought. He tried to conceal his excitement as he quickly asked "**He did?**"

"**He did what?" **asked the cat sincerely

"**Went that way?" **Ichigo half asked as he pointed in the direction Grimmjow had earlier

"**Who did?" **inquired Grimmjow cat with interest as he began stalking round Ichigo

Ichigo was starting to get impatient so he practically yelled, "**The white rabbit!**"

"**What rabbit?"** asked the cat coming to a stop in front of Ichigo

Ichigo felt really frustratedas the cat had turned out to be no help at all and let out a sigh of exasperation

"**Can you stand on your head?" **Grimmjow asked suddenly, doing the action himself to emphasis the point. While still in his upside-down position he said, "**However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.**"

Ichigo frowned slightly, not sure if he liked the idea of visiting a Mad Hatter.

"Isn't there anyone else I could ask" Ichigo inquired politely

"**Or, there's the March Hare, in that direction**" stated Grimmjow as he pointed with one paw

"**Oh, thank you. I think I shall visit him**" said Ichigo gratefully

The cat grinned widely before saying, "**Of course, he's mad too**"

"**But I don't want to go among mad people!**" Ichigo said horrified

Still grinning, the cat slowly started disappearing again as he replied, "**Oh, you can't help that. Almost everyone is mad here. Ha... ha ha ha ha ha! You may have  
>noticed that I'm not all there myself... hahaha... <strong>_**and the momeraths outgrabe..**_"

With that and a quick wink the cat disappeared completely leaving Ichigo alone in front of the forest. He decided to follow the cat's directions as he had no other idea of where to go and entered the forest cautiously. The forest was rather peaceful and was filled with exotic plants and the occasional creature which poked its head out of its home to watch him as he passed. It wasn't long until he heard singing and concluded it must be the March Hare. In a clearing in the forest, there was a large table with many chairs set up for a party. Seated at the table was Szayel, dressed in funny clothes with a big top hat; Lilinette, with big brown hare-ears and Starrk who had pale grey mouse ears and a long pink mousey tail. Szayel and Lilinette appeared to be singing while Starrk snored quietly beside them. The nearer Ichigo got, the more he could make out what was being sung.

"_**...to us. A very know what day today is tea forget of us?"**_ sang Lilinette, her hare-ears flopping left and right. _Let me guess... the March Hare _thought Ichigo

"_**A very merry unbirthday...**_" sang Szayel waving his top hat around. Ichigo presumed he would be the Mad Hatter

"_**A very merry unbirthday...**_" repeated Lilinette Hare

"_**A very merry unbirthday to us!**_" they sang together

"_**A very merry unbirthday to me**_" sang Lilinette Hare happily

Looking surprised Szayel Hatter sang, "_**To who?**_"

Lilinette giggled, "_**To me**_"

"_**Oh you!**_" sang Szayel joyously

Then Lilinette Hare began again, "_**A very merry unbirthday to you"**_

"_**Who, me?**_" sang Szayel puzzled

"_**Yes, you"**_sang Lilinette

"_**Oh me!" **_sang the Hatter sounding very pleased

At that moment both of them noticed Ichigo approaching the table and immediately started chanting, "**No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room!**"

Ichigo looked around the table, especially at all the empty seats in confusion.

"But there's plenty of room" he stated

"**Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited!**" Szayel Hatter told him seriously

Lilinette Hare added her own comments of, "**I say it's rude. It's very very rude, indeed! Hah!**"

Even Starrk awoke briefly to quietly mutter, "**Very very very rude, indeed...** "

Ichigo wasn't too sure how to respond to that, so he just apologised. He also complimented them on their singing as he figured it would sooth their agitation and allow him to ask where Ulquiorra went.

"**You enjoyed our singing?**" Lilinette Hare asked curiously

Szayel chuckled in delight before responding, "**Oh, what a delightful child! Hah! I'm so excited, we never get compliments! You must have a cup of tea!**"

"**Ah, yes indeed! The tea, you must have a cup of tea!**" Lilinette insisted

Ichigo pulled up a chair near to where the others were sitting and replied "Thank you, I'm sorry for disturbing your party"

Szayel Hatter started chuckling again "Dear child, this is no ordinary party"

"**Of course not!**" Lilinette Hare added,** "Hehehe! This is an unbirthdayparty!**"

Ichigo scrunched up his face in confusion, "I'm sorry I don't believe I know what an unbirthday is"

Both of them appeared very shocked and shook their heads sadly. Lilinette attempted to explain:

"**It's very simple. Now, thirty days have sept- no, when... an unbirthday, if you have a birthday then you... haha... **he** doesn't know what an unbirthday is!**"

"**How silly! Ha ha ha ha! Ah-hum... I shall elucidate! Now statistics prove, prove that you've one birthday.**" Szayel Hatter stated

"**Imagine, just one birthday every year**" Lilinette Hare intoned sadly

"**Ahhh, but there are 364 unbirthdays!**" said Szayel Hatter with a grin

"**Precisely why we're gathered here to cheer**" Lilinette Hare cheered

"**Why, then today is my unbirthday too!**" murmured Ichigo

The two Espada who were awake suddenly turned to him.

"**It is?**" asked Lilinette happily

"**What a small world this is**" exclaimed Szayel in excitement

"**In that case... **_**a very merry unbirthday**_" Lilinette began singing

When they were finished singing the unbirthday song Starrk woke up just as Ichigo blew the candles, which were on top of the big cake on the table, out. He started to sing, "_**Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what you're at! Up above the world you fly, like a tea-tray in the sky!**_" before drifting back to sleep.

Ichigo thought it might be a good idea to ask for information before they started singing again but just as he opened his mouth to ask about Ulquiorra the Hatter spoke up.

"**Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!**" he chanted

"**But I haven't used my cup!**" Ichigo retorted

The Hare started to nudge him in the side as she too joined in the chant, "**Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down!**"

Ichigo had no choice but to follow their lead and landed up several seats away from his old spot

"**Would you like a little more tea?**" asked Szayel politely as he extended the teapot

"**Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more...**" grumbled Ichigo irritated

"**Ahh, you mean you can't very well take less!**" stated Lilinette Hare sagely

"**Yes! You can always take more than nothing!**" replied Szayel Hatter

Ichigo decided to give up as saying anything else would be pointless. He was starting to believe that getting help from them would not benefit him at all.

"Well now you wanted information did you not?" asked the Hatter

"Tell us everything!" chirped the Hare

"Well... I met Grimm err the cat and..."

Suddenly Ichigo was interrupted by Starrk who leaped up onto the table and started running smashing any china and food in his path yelling "CAT!" The others all had a mad chase after him until Lilinette Hare gave him a good kick after which he settled back down on a chair and went back to sleep.

Lilinette turned to Ichigo angrily, "**See all the trouble you've started?**"

"**But really, I didn't think...**" began Ichigo sheepishly

"**Ah, but that's the point! If you don't think, you shouldn't talk!**" chided Lilinette Hare

"**Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!**" chanted the Hatter for a second time

"**But I still haven't used...**" Ichigo protested as he was dragged half way down the table

"**Move down, move down, move down, move down... And now my dear, as you were saying?**"

Against his better judgement Ichigo tried asking them about Ulquiorra again, only this time he tactfully did not mention the word 'cat'.

He was interrupted yet again only this time by the Hatter

"**Tea?**" asked Szayel holding up the teapot

"**Just half a cup if you don't mind.**" Lilinette answered as she watched Szayel cut the cup in half before handing it to her

"**Come, come my dear. hehehe! Don't you care for tea?**" Szayel asked Ichigo

"**Why, yes**" replied Ichigo, "**I'm very fond of tea, but...**"

"**If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!**" inserted Lilinette

Ichigo merely sighed in exasperation

"**I have an excellent idea! Let's change the subject!**" said Szayel Hatter brightly before asking "**Why is a raven like a writing desk?**"

Ichigo was puzzled but decided to humour him "**Why is a raven like a writing desk?**"

"**I beg your pardon?**" queried Szayel Hatter

Ichigo repeated himself "**Why is a raven like a writing desk?**"

"**Why is a what?**" asked Szayel Hatter looking lost

"**Careful! **He**'s stark raving mad!**" whispered Lilinette Hare

Ichigo was frustrated. They were completely insane and if he didn't get out of there soon he would probably do something he would regret later. It was probably a good thing that he didn't have Zangetsu with him at the moment.

Suddenly the Hare's voice interrupted Ichigo's thoughts, "**How about a nice cup of tea?**"

Seeing this as a good opportunity to leave Ichigo stood as he answered, "**Well, I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!**"

Just then a familiar voice was heard complaining, "**No, no, no, no! No time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye! I'm late! I'm late!**"

Ichigo let go a gasp of surprise. "The white rabbit" he exclaimed in excitement as he turned toward the approaching Ulquiorra

"**Well, no wonder you're late! Why, this clock is exactly two days slow!**" explained Szayel, frowning as he examined the rabbit's watch.

"**Two days slow?**" Ulquiorra Rabbit cried looking horrified

"**Of course you're late. Hahaha! My goodness. We'll have to look into this. A-ha! I see what's wrong with it! Why, this watch is full of wheels!**" said Szayel Hatter going into scientist mode as he puttered around with the watch

"**Oh, my good watch! Oh, my wheels! My springs! But- but- but- but, but- but- but... **" stuttered poor Ulquiorra as he watched his watch get dismembered by Szayel

"**Butter! Of course, we need some butter! Butter!**" Szayel exclaimed in determination

Ichigo was starting to feel very sorry for Ulquiorra as he watched him becoming whiter than he already was. He and Ulquiorra both watched in fascinated horror as tea, sugar, jam and finally lemon were added to the watch. The watch seemed to gain a life of its own when it was finally screwed shut.

"**Mad watch! Mad watch! Mad watch!**" yelled Lilinette Hare

"**Oh, look! Oh my goodness!**" said Szayel Hatter in concern

"**There's only one way to stop a mad watch!**" claimed Lilinette Hare as she whipped out a giant hammer and bashed the poor watch till it finally stopped moving

"**Oh, my watch... and it was an unbirthday present too**" mumbled Ulquiorra sadly looking very broken-hearted, both his ears and whiskers drooping

Before Ichigo could comfort the depressed looking rabbit the others were already in full unbirthday mode

"_**A very merry unbirthday to you!**_" they both sang tossing Ulquiorra into the forest beyond

While they were distracted Ichigo quickly hurried after him in the hopes he would finally get a hold of him, however there was no sight of the rabbit when Ichigo reached the location they had tossed him in. Sighing Ichigo decided that it was time to give up and go home. Only problem was he seemed to be lost and had no idea how to return.

He wandered around for a bit eventually coming across an area called 'The Tulgey Wood' where he found a strange bunch of creatures and a strange sigh that read 'Don't step on the momeraths'. Tired he sat down on a rock and thought about what the best course of action would be.

"_**Hmhmhmhm... and the momeraths outgrabe" **_sang a familiar voice

"GRIMMJOW" exclaimed Ichigo practically flinging himself on the grinning cat

"I don't think I've ever been so glad to see you in my life"

Grimmjow cat only chuckled and gave Ichigo's cheek a fond lick before pushing him off

"**Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance?**" he asked Ichigo his eyes gleaming with curiosity

"**Oh, no no no no**" stated Ichigo shaking his head vigorously, feeling too relieved to be concerned about his enemy licking him"**I'm through with rabbits. I want to go home! But I can't find my way**"

"**Naturally. That's because you have no way. All ways here you see, are the queen's ways.**" The cat replied

Ichigo looked puzzled at that statement and could not help but say, "**But I've never met any queen**"

The cat gave an exceedingly big grin before replying, "**You haven't? You haven't? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad! Hahaha! **_**And the momeraths outgrabe...**_" He started singing softly as he began to disappear again

Trying to stall Grimmjow from abandoning him again Ichigo called out, "**Please, please! Uh... how can I find her?**"

Halting his disappearance the cat answered with his customary grin, "**Well, some go this way, some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the shortcut**" After saying that a doorway leading to a beautifully manicured garden opened in a bush and the cat finally disappeared.

Ichigo took a deep breath and stepped into the perfect garden and the bush door closed behind him.


	6. To Play Croquet With The Queen

**I can so picture Grimmjow as a friendly, naughty, mischievous cat. My previous cat was a vicious thing but he could be affectionate when he wanted to be... that kinda how I picture Grimm so pardon if he seems different but hey he is the Chesire Cat after all and I had to do something with him since he's too big to sit on the queen =^.^=**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

TO PLAY CROQUET WITH THE QUEEN

Upon reaching the garden, Ichigo immediately looked around only to find that the forest had completely disappeared. He was surrounded by well trimmed hedges, pristine fountains, heart-shaped bushes and gorgeous flower gardens. He followed the stone path further into the garden admiring all the effort that had gone into making the garden so beautiful. There wasn't a single weed in sight and not even a single leaf was out of place.

What he saw next astounded him. He had come to expect that all the people in this strange place were weird versions of the arrancar but seeing hundreds of arrancar all with the same face was a bit much. There in front of him dressed all in white were a hundred versions of Tesra dressed all in white running around with ladders, paint brushes and paint tins. The only difference between them seemed to be the red number and sign painted on the front of their clothes. Ichigo wouldn't be too surprised if this had been a result of Szayel's experiments as it wasn't that odd that the mad scientist would attempt to clone something.

He was so surprised by all the Teslas that he hadn't noticed that they were all singing. _Great, more singing_ thought Ichigo as he rolled his eyes but he listened anyway as he slowly approached them. It was with more surprise that he noticed that they were painting the rose bushes... well, the roses to be precise.

"_**Da dee dee da da da, Doodle de do, dee do dee do, bum bum bum bum, painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red, we dare not stop or waste a drop, so let the paint be spread. We're painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red! Painting the roses red, and many a tear we shed, because we know they'll cease to grow, in fact they'll soon be dead. Noooo! And yet we go ahead, painting the roses red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red. Painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red...**_" the Tesra painters sang while they worked

At this point Ichigo was right behind the strange painters and curious as to why they would be painting roses asked, "**Oh, pardon me, but **Tesra..." Ichigo paused to read the number on his front,** "Three, why must you paint them red?**"

The Tesra with the number three on his front cautiously leaned forward and quickly gazed around as if to make sure he wouldn't be overheard before replying in a gentle whisper, "**Huh? Oh! Well, the fact is, sir: we planted the white roses by mistake. And, **_**the queen, she likes them red. If she saw what we said, she'd raise her voice and each of us would quickly loose his head.**_"

Ichigo shuddered at the thought. Decapitation seemed a little harsh for something so trivial to him.

"_**Since this is the thought we dread, we're painting the roses red!**_" sang all the gathered Tesra as they went back to painting

His heart was deeply troubled at their plight and not wanting any of them to be beheaded he decided to join in and help. He searched about for a pail and brush and soon he too was caught up in singing and painting

"_**We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the queen what you have seen, or say that's what we said, what, we're painting the roses red...**_" everyone sang in harmony

"_**Yes, painting the roses red...**_" sang Ichigo cheerily as he daubed his fourth rose with red paint

"_**Not pink, not green...**_" sang the Tesra group

"_**Not aquamarine...**_" sang Ichigo

"_**We're painting the roses red!**_" sang everyone together concluding the song

Suddenly everyone froze as distant trumpets were heard

"**The Queen! The Queen!**" all the Tesra frantically murmured as they began running around in panic, attempting to stash the evidence of their painting job away from public sight.

"**The Queen!**" Ichigo exclaimed in excitement. He truly was curious to see who the queen was and perhaps finally get out of this strange place

"**The Queen! ...**" one Tesra squeaked as a familiar figure appeared causing all the other Tesra to cease their movements and form a line.

Ichigo could not believe his eyes. This was even more unbelievable than Grimmjow being a friendly grinning cat! For a few moments he merely gaped at the figure dressed in royal apparel which consisted of a red silken dress, a red velvet cloak lined with white fur and a gleaming golden crown although his next reaction was the urgent desire to roll around on the ground laughing his head off. Nnoitra was the queen. Ichigo wanted so badly to laugh he could feel his eyes start to water, but sensed that laughing out loud would be unwise. His attempts at suppression did not last for long, however, as a bark of laughter escaped him. He quickly disguised it as a coughing fit but secretly let out an intermittent snicker every now and then without being noticeable. Fortunately for him Nnoitra seemed pre-occupied with the Tesra.

"Tesra**, halt! Count off!**" commanded Queen Nnoitra

"**One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Jack**" said the Tesra starting from the ones in front moving down the line

Suddenly Ichigo caught sight of Ulquiorra who was also dressed up in royal attire with a golden trumpet hanging from his belt and a gilded scroll in his hands

"**The rabbit!**" gasped Ichigo in surprise

"**He...he... her imperial highness, he... her grace, her excellency, her royal majesty, the Queen of Hearts!**" Ulquiorra rabbit announced loudly motioning with one hand toward Nnoitra

Just then Nnoitra noticed the roses dripping and walked closer to inspect them. Ichigo saw the Tesra gulp in fear as they started shaking, watching every move Nnoitra made. Nnoitra reached out and fingered a rose, delicately examined his finger and then scowled in displeasure.

"**Hum... Who's been painting my roses red? Who's been painting my roses red? Who dares to taint, with vulgar paint, the royal flower bed? For painting my roses red, someone will lose his head!**" Queen Nnoitra ranted angrily

"**Oh, no! Your majesty! Please, it's all his fault!**" cried the Tesra with the number three as he pointed at a Tesra with the number two

"**Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace!**" denied the Tesra with the two

"**You?**" questioned Queen Nnoitra as he peered down at the trembling Ace Tesra

"**No, Two!**" said the Ace Tesra

"**Not me, the Three!**" sobbed the number two Tesra

Nnoitra had obviously had enough of the finger pointing as he yelled, "**That's enough! Off with their heads!**"

Ichigo watched in horror as the three Tesra were dragged off by their other Tesra comrades singing, "_**They're going to lose their heads, for painting the roses red, it serves them right, they planted white, the roses should be red. Oh, they're going to lose their head...**_"

"**Silence!**" demanded Queen Nnoitra looking highly irritated and irate

Ichigo felt that he had to do something, since after all they were only trying to be helpful and he had also participated in the paint job.

"**Oh, please, please! They were only trying to...**" explained Ichigo

Taking note of him for the first time Nnoitra asked, "**And who is this?**"

Ulquiorra crept forward slightly and looked at Ichigo questionably as if noticing him for the first time, despite having run into him several times before.

"**Uh... well, well, well, now, eh... let me see,** your majesty. **It certainly isn't a heart... do you suppose it's a club?**" proposed Ulquiorra rabbit hesitantly

"**Why, it's a little **boy" exclaimed Queen Nnoitra in delight

"**Yes, and- and I was hoping...**" began Ichigo cautiously

"**Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers! Turn out your toes. Curtsey. Open your mouth a little wider, and always say 'yes, your majesty'!**" commended Queen Nnoitra

"**Yes, your majesty!**" Ichigo replied, deeming it wise to comply if he wanted to keep his head attached to his neck.

"**Hmhmhm. Now, um, where do you come from, and where are you going?**" questioned the Queen

"**Well, um, I'm trying to find my way home...**" answered Ichigo

"**Your way? All ways here are my ways!**" growled Queen Nnoitra looking angry

"**Well, yes, I know, but I was just thinking...**" Ichigo attempted to explain not wanting an angry Nnoitra on his hands

"Bow** while you're thinking, it saves time" **stated Queen Nnoitra smiling gently, calm again after the sudden outburst

"**Yes, your majesty, but I was only going to ask...**" Ichigo calmly said trying not to make Nnoitra mad again

"**I'll ask the questions!**" declared Nnoitra before asking,** "Do you play croquet?**" with a rather hopeful expression on his face

"**Why, yes, your majesty**" answered Ichigo fearing the repercussions if he said no

Giving a wide contented smile Queen Nnoitra called out, "**Then let the game begin!**"

Nnoitra led Ichigo to a wide open expanse of lawn. Ulquiorra rabbit had run ahead and was now blowing on the golden trumpet. He stopped after awhile to announce, "**In your places, in your places, By order of the **Queen**! Hurry, hurry, hurry!**"

Two brightly coloured hedgehogs and a bunch of coloured flamingos were placed in front of Nnoitra and Ichigo. He took one hedgehog and selected a yellow flamingo after watching Nnoitra do the same.

"**Shuffle deck! Tesra cut! Deal Tesra! Tesra, halt! ... Silence!**"called Queen Nnoitra as Ichigo watched a bunch of Tesra scatter across the lawn and then bend over to form hoops for their game.

"**Off with his head!**" shouted the Queen as someone did something to displease him

"**Off with his head, off with his head! By order of the **Queen**. You heard what she said!**" intoned Ulquiorra

"**You're next!**" said Nnoitra nudging Ichigo in the side.

Ichigo was shocked thinking he would be carted off to have his head removed until Nnoitra pointed to his flamingo.

"**Hahaha... my dear**" grinned Queen Nnoitra waiting for Ichigo to play.

Ichigo released a sigh of relief and lifted his flamingo to swat the hedgehog only his flamingo had other plans. It twitched and it turned and started tickling Ichigo causing him to laugh. He quickly put a stop to it when he heard a growl coming from Nnoitra's direction.

"**Do you want us both to lose our heads?**" whispered Ichigo crossly as he gave the flamingo a hard shake.

Finally he swung the flamingo and sent the hedgehog flying. It nearly landed in the hole but thankfully it crawled away. Although Ichigo was usually competitive when it came to games, he wouldn't want to lose his head for winning against Nnoitra.

"_**La la la da da dum... la la la hmm...**_** I say, how are you getting on?**" questioned Grimmjow as he appeared out of nowhere and started entwining himself around Ichigo purring loudly

"**Not at all**" grumbled Ichigo under his breath

"**Beg your pardon?**" grinned the cat leaning in closer

"**I said 'not at all'!**" grumbled Ichigo louder just as Grimmjow disappeared

"**Whom are you talking to?**" asked Queen Nnoitra as he stared at Ichigo questionably

"**Oh, uh... a cat, your majesty!**" said Ichigo sheepishly while inwardly cursing Grimmjow for vanishing

Queen Nnoitra looked around sceptically before asking suspiciously, "**Cat? Where?**"

Grimmjow reappeared behind Nnoitra grinning cheekily at Ichigo from where he stood

"**There! Oh... Oh there he is again!**" claimed Ichigo as he pointed at Grimmjow

Nnoitra turned to look behind him only to see thin air as Grimmjow had once again disappeared.

"**I warn you child, if I lose my temper, you lose your head, understand**" declared Queen Nnoitra sternly before he lifted his purple flamingo to prepare for his next shot

Suddenly Ichigo heard a gentle purr in his ear and big arms wrap around him just as Grimmjow's voice entered his ear in a whisper, "**You know, we could make her really angry. Shall we try?**"

Ichigo stiffened in horror as he extricated himself from Grimmjow's hold to glare at him.

"Don't even think about it" Ichigo mouthed angrily at the grinning cat.

"**Oh, but it's lots of fun!**" whispered Grimmjow cat as he snuck up behind Nnoitra to hook the raised flamingo's beak into the hem of his dress and cloak before he vanished once again

"**No, no, no! Stop! Oh no!**" cried Ichigo in horror as he watched Nnoitra swing the flamingo, trip and land face down in the grass with his pink heart shaped underwear displayed for all to see. He heard Grimmjow chuckling softly in the background but didn't see the culprit anywhere.

"**Oh my fur and whiskers! Save the queen!**" yelped Ulquiorra rabbit as he hurried forward to help Nnoitra

"**Someone's head will roll for this!**" roared Queen Nnoitra livid, red face and all. Spying Ichigo he pointed and yelled, "**Yours! Off with his...**"

"**But- but consider, my **Queen**. Couldn't **he** have a trial... uh... first?**" pleaded Ulquiorra

"**Trial?**" snorted the irate Queen glaring at the white rabbit

Ulquiorra gave the enraged Queen his best innocent rabbit eyes and innocently twirled one of his rabbit ears before saying softly "**Well, just a... uh... little trial? Hmm?**"

Ichigo was impressed. Who would have thought that Ulquiorra could do that? Definitely not him. It would seem that even the enraged Queen Nnoitra could not resist the cuteness of Ulquiorra's rabbit eyes as after twitching slightly he conceded.

"**Hmm. Very well then. Let the trial begin!**"


	7. Trial And Error

**I decided to remove the king from the plot as I couldn't think of a suitable arrancar... but I did give the king's lines to the white rabbit. **

**In case anyone one was wondering why the Espadaland characters refer to Nnoitra as "her" while I refer to him as "him" it because Ichigo acknowledges Nnoitra as a man from their previous encounters while the other characters having Nnoitra as a queen would regard him as a woman**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

TRIAL AND ERROR

Ichigo could not help but feel slightly nervous as he was lead in to the court room. Nearly all the arrancar he had met in this strange place were seated around him except for Queen Nnoitra and Ulquiorra rabbit who were both standing at a tall podium where they could stare down at him. The crowd had made a loud ruckus when he had been led in but all calmed down when Ulquiorra blew the golden trumpet. The rabbit then whipped out a scroll which when rolled out nearly filled the entire floor.

"**Huh... your majesty... members of the jury... loyal subjects...**" Ulquiorra rabbit called out once the room had become silent and he had lowered the trumpet

"**The prisoner at the bar is charged with enticing her majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, and thereby willfully...**" continued Ulquiorra as he read the scroll before him

Ichigo was indignant. Enticing the Queen indeed! More like Nnoitra insisted and he had had no choice in the matter. He scowled briefly at Nnoitra before he interjected, "**But...**"

Ulquiorra carried on as if Ichigo hadn't spoken "**...and with malice aforethought, teasing, tormenting, and otherwise annoying arb...**"

"**Don't mind all that! Get to the part where I lose my temper**" interrupted Queen Nnoitra jumping up and down with excitement.

Ulquiorra quickly scanned through the ream of paper until he came to the part he was looking for and carried on reading, "**...****thereby causing the Queen to lose her temper**"

"**Now, Ha ha... are you ready for your sentence?**" smirked Queen Nnoitra

Ichigo couldn't believe what he was hearing and couldn't help but say, "**Sentence? Ah, but there must be a verdict first!**"

"**Sentence first! Verdict afterwards**" declared Queen Nnoitra

"**But that just isn't the way!**" protested Ichigo

"**All ways are...**" began Nnoitra sternly

"**Your ways, your majesty**" finished Ichigo with a subtle eye roll

"**Yes, my child. Off with** his**...**" commanded Queen Nnoitra

Ulquiorra rabbit, who was always one for following the proper procedure of things, quickly interceded by saying, "**Consider, my** Queen**. Uh... we called no witnesses... Uh... couldn't we... uh... maybe one or two? Maybe?**"

"**Oh, very well. But get on with it!**" conceded Queen Nnoitra with a frown

"**First witness! First witness! Ah, we'll call the first witness.**" Ulquiorra called. He waited for the witness to reach the witness stand before beginning his inquisition, "**The March Hare. Oh, oh, what do you know about this uh... unfortunate affair?**"

"**Nothing**" stated Lilinette Hare nonchalantly

"**Nothing whatever?**" asked the Queen

"**Nothing whatever!**" yelled Lilinette Hare

Nnoitra appeared thoughtful for a few seconds before turning to the jury and said, "**That's very important! Jury, write that down!**"

Ichigo scowled. Not the Hare and Hatter again! This was a big waste of time in his opinion. He just wanted to go home not put up with a bunch of lunatics.

"Hmph... so unimportant" muttered Ichigo

"**Silence! Next witness**" demanded Queen Nnoitra

"**The Dormouse!**" summoned the white rabbit and watched as Starrk was dragged to the witness stand lightly snoring

"**Well...**" questioned the Queen impatiently in a rather loud voice

"**Shhh!**" hushed a crowd of Tesra

"**What have you to say about this?**" Nnoitra continued in a quieter tone

Without wakingup Starrk murmured** "**_**Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder..**_"

"**That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet. Write that down!" **exclaimed Queen Nnoitra excited

"**Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...**"all the jury muttered as they hastily scrawled the words down

"**Twinkle, twinkle. What next?**" Ichigo said sarcastically

"**The Mad Hatter!**" Ulquiorra rabbit called out

Ichigo shook in his head in exasperation. He wondered if he would ever get out of this strange place with his head and sanity intact.

"**Oh... he he he he**" chortled Szayel Hatter with glee as he made his way to the stand

"**Off with your hat!**" commanded Queen Nnoitra

Szayel quickly removed his hat still chortling, "**Oh, my! He he he!**"

"**And eh... where were you when this horrible crime was committed?**" asked Ulquiorra rabbit seriously

"**I was home, drinking tea. Today you know is my unbirthday**" replied Szayel Hatter casually

Suddenly the white rabbit turned to Queen Nnoitra and exclaimed, "**Why, my **Queen**! Today is your unbirthday too!**"

Ichigo could only gape in horror as he had a pretty good idea of where this was going. _Not again_ he thought in despair

"**It is?" **asked Queen Nnoitra puzzled

"**It is?**" repeated the Hare and the Hatter

"**It is?**" echoed all the Tesra

"_**A very merry unbirthday!**_" sang everyone in the room but Ichigo

"_**To me?**_"asked the Queen

"**Oh no!**" moaned Ichigo out loud

"_**To you! A very merry unbirthday!**_" everyone continued singing

"_**For me?**_" asked Nnoitra delighted

"_**For you!**_" they all replied in song

"_**Now blow the candle off, my dear and make your wish come true!**_** He he he.**" Chuckled Szayel Hatter

At that moment when Nnoitra was blowing out his candles, Ichigo suddenly spotted Grimmjow. Thinking it was as good a time as any to redeem his name he called out, "**Oh! Your majesty!**"

"**Oh, yes, my dear?**" asked Queen Nnoitra calmly seeming to have forgotten that he was to behead Ichigo

"**Look! There he is now!**" said Ichigo pointing to Grimmjow

"**He? Where? Who?**" inquired Queen Nnoitra as he searched the room

"Grimmjow the cat" stated Ichigo still pointing

"**Cat?**" the queen asked puzzled

Starrk had awoken upon hearing the word cat and was now in a frantic panic as he began jumping and running around the room yelling, "**Cat! Cat? Cat cat cat cat!**"

"**Hang on, hang on!**" said Lilinette Hare as she charged after him ensuing more chaos

"**This is terrible!**" cried Szayel Hatter as he too joined the chase

"**Cat cat cat cat!**" shrieked Starrk as he continued his mad circuit of the room

"**Help! Help!**" shouted Szayel Hatter

"**Catch him! Stand in!**" urged Ulquiorra rabbit

"**Catch him! Catch him! Go for it!**" yelled Lilinette Hare

The chase lasted only a while longer before Lilinette gave Starrk a powerful kick which sent him crashing to the ground. He twitched a couple of times before he lay still and soft snores were once again being emitted. Everyone gave a huge sigh of relief. It was in that moment of quiet that Ichigo had an idea.

"**The mushroom!**" gasped Ichigo as he began digging in his pockets

"**Off with **his** h...hmph!**" Queen Nnoitra started but cut off abruptly when he saw Ichigo inceasing in size so that he was now staring down at them

Everyone gaped at Ichigo in astonishment except for Grimmjow who had a huge grin on his face

"**Rule forty-two: all persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately.**" Stated Ulquiorra as he peered up at Ichigo

"**I'm not a mile high. And I'm not leaving**" said Ichigo resolutely as he first wanted to give Nnoitra a piece of his mind as well as get directions on how to get home

"**Hehehe... sorry! Rule forty-two, you know**" Queen Nnoitra said meekly as he started edging away

"**And as for you, your majesty! Your majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen, but just a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty- tyrant...**" Ichigo said, starting out strong but allowing his voice to decrease in volume as he gradually shrunk back down to his normal size. That wasn't supposed to happen! Maybe he hadn't eaten enough of the mushroom to make it last. Whatever the reason, he was now in trouble as he no longer had the upper hand. He watched Nnoitra wearily waiting to see what he would do.

"**Hmhmhmhm... and uh... what were you saying, my dear?**" smirked Queen Nnoitra darkly

To Ichigo's horror Grimmjow appeared right next to the Queen to say, "**Well,** he **simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant, hahahaha!**" Grimmjow laughed madly after he finished.

Nnoitra's face went from pale white to blood red in anger almost instantaneously as he roared, "**Off with **his** head!**"

"**You heard what her majesty said! Off with **his **head! ...**" ordered Ulquiorra rabbit in support of his Queen

Ichigo decided it was time to make a quick getaway and he hurried from the room, all the occupants in hot pursuit.

"**Off with **his** head! Off with **his** head!**" screamed Queen Nnoitra in the background as he lead the charge

"**Just a moment! You can't leave a tea party without having a cup of tea, you know!**" said Szayel Hatter to Ichigo as he caught up

"**But- but I can't stop now!**" panted Ichigo trying to get ahead

"**Ah, but we insist! You must join us in a cup of tea!**" Lilinette Hare insisted from his other side

"**Off with **his** head!**" shouted Nnoitra again, sounding closer than before

"**Mister Caterpillar! What will I do?**" pleaded Ichigo as he spotted Barragan sitting just ahead of him

"**Who are you?**" demanded Barragan as Ichigo ran past him

"**There **he** goes! Don't let **him** get away! Off with **his** head!**" shouted Queen Nnoitra quickly catching up as he had much longer legs than Ichigo

Ichigo felt himself tripping before he suddenly plummeted. The sounds of the chase faded further and further away as he descended into darkness.


	8. When I Should Awake

**This last one is short and sweet, lol**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, not Bleach and not the Alice in Wonderland plot to which this is set. (Bold writing within the chapter will indicate extracts from the Disney Alice in Wonderland script)**

WHEN I SHOULD WAKE

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ichigo cried out as he fell, letting out a small grunt as he made contact with the floor.

He sat up gradually, blinking slowly, to find himself on his bedroom floor still in his clothes from the previous day. There was no sign of the Queen or any of the other strange characters he had met. He let out a sigh of relief. He had only been dreaming. He remained seated on the floor for a moment longer until he heard a gentle knock and a soft voice calling, "Ichi-nii, are you alright?"

It was Yuzu. He carefully stood up and made his way to the door to open it slightly so he could talk to her.

"Don't worry Yuzu I'm fine, I just fell out of bed" he replied giving her a sheepish grin

She smiled in relief that he was alright but frowned when she saw his clothes.

"Ichi-nii aren't those the clothes you wore yesterday?" she asked concerned

"Yeah, I was too tired to change before I fell asleep" he admitted

"Well... could I have them so I can wash them? I'm doing laundry today" she questioned

"Sure sure" he nodded to her, retreating back into his room as continued to say, "Let me take a shower first and then I'll add them to the washing pile for you"

She nodded in acceptance and made her way to their dad's room to collect his dirty laundry, narrowly missing their dad who flew into Ichigo's room to begin their morning routine of attacking each other. Karin came up after a while to distract their dad so Ichigo could shower in peace.

Sometime later after Ichigo had added his clothes to the pile Yuzu sat organising the clothes according to colour. She also emptied all of her dad and elder brother's pockets as both had a tendency to forget things in them, ranging from loose change to house keys to surgical equipment.

It was while she was cleaning out Ichigo's pockets from the day before that she noticed something strange. From out of each of his pant pockets she removed a strange object. She studied them intensely for a while to identify what they were before she resumed her task. She set both items to the side wondering all the while why on earth her older brother would have mushroom pieces in his pockets...


End file.
